


Sometimes We Fall

by butimaloneandfree



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 1x01, Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, So much angst, Whump, alex has a guilt complex, everyone deserves therapy, honestly Kara is the most forgiving person on the planet, j'onn is lucky alex didn't shoot him dead right there, j'onn needs to make better choices, like barely but it's there, pilot, remember when this show was good? Miss that, tbh there's not much comfort, yup we're taking it back here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26246887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butimaloneandfree/pseuds/butimaloneandfree
Summary: Alex Danvers wasn’t used to being left out of the loop. She was a top-ranked agent at an agency so secret they use the FBI as a cover-up identity. Not to mention the fact that she was basically the director’s protegee, a director whose skip-level is the president.No, Alex Danvers knew everything she would ever want to know, except maybe how exactly her sister can eat so many cinnamon rolls and if there’s any way to implement that in humans. Which is why, when a rookie let it slip that he was being brought out on a mission she hadn’t heard about, she knew something’s wrong.For the eighth time that day, Alex cursed the fact that Kara, sweet, precious, naïve Kara, had decided to become a superhero.---In the Pilot, the DEO shoots Kara down and kidnaps her.I always wondered how that went over with Alex. My guess: not well.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & J'onn J'onzz | Hank Henshaw, Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	Sometimes We Fall

Alex Danvers wasn’t used to being left out of the loop. She was a top-ranked agent at an agency so secret they use the FBI as a cover-up identity. Not to mention the fact that she was basically the director’s protegee, a director whose skip-level is the president.

No, Alex Danvers knew everything she would ever want to know, except maybe how exactly her sister can eat so many cinnamon rolls and if there’s any way to implement that in humans. Which is why, when a rookie let it slip that he was being brought out on a mission she hadn’t heard about, she knew something’s wrong.

For the eighth time that day, Alex cursed the fact that Kara, sweet, precious, _naïve_ Kara, had decided to become a superhero.

Kara regretted nothing. She hadn’t understood Alex’s anger, how Alex could be livid after Kara _saved her life_ , and ‘became who she was meant to be’ or some trash she’d probably gotten from her cousin. Alex couldn’t explain to Kara that she would’ve much rather died a fiery death if that meant keeping Kara’s secret, and by extension Kara herself, safe.

 _You’re the reason she doesn’t know why she shouldn’t be visible, Alex,_ a pesky voice in the back of her head reminded her. _It’s your fault she’s in danger_.

Alex shoved the thoughts out of her head almost as violently as she shoved open the door to Hank’s office.

“We’re bringing her in, Alex.”

 _How does he do that_ , Alex wondered. It was like he always knew her argument before she made it, which made him even harder to argue with.

“I know she’s your sister, but there are protocols in place.”

Years later, as she replays this conversation in her head in those moments just before sleep when her mistakes are best at haunting her, she will regret this moment the most. She’ll wonder if it weighs as heavily on J’onn, or if hundreds of years of mistakes make you better at living with them. Within months of this conversation, all concern for protocol at the DEO will have gone out the window; in part thanks to Kara’s presence. But in the moment, Alex is still a soldier, and soldiers are obedient above all else.

“She’s not dangerous.”

“Not yet.”

“She could never be. She won’t even kill spiders”

“Then being a superhero, flying around in a cape? That will make her a danger to herself. Especially with the target on her back.”

Alex couldn’t argue with that. It was the same worry that had been nagging at the back of her head for the past day.

“She hasn’t stopped. She has a costume now, and a name. We gave you the chance to talk her down but she’s only gotten worse.“

“Please.”

“I know she means the world to you. We’ll be as gentle as we can.”

\---

Alex may have lost the argument for preventing this altogether, but she wasn’t about to let them do this without her. Which is how she found herself in full assault gear in a darkened alley, on a mission to bring in her baby sister. The same baby sister she’d had sister night with three days prior.

The absurdity wasn’t lost on her.

Alex’s requests to lead the mission had – unsurprisingly – been denied. At least Hank hadn’t tried to claim clearance level, that would’ve been a blatant lie and Alex liked to think she was still more respected than that. He had instead told her she was too close to the subject, and besides, it had already been promised to Jensen .

It was harder to argue with that.

So, here she was, thrown into the field with strict orders that she was there as backup only. She didn’t even know the plan; there hadn’t been enough time for a briefing. She squashed down the nagging fear that her ignorance was intentional.

“Positions” came the call over comms, and Alex forced herself toward the back of the group.

Alex stood next to a dumpster, trying not to show her disgust; at the stench, at the fact that they were there at all, at the fact that someone as incompetent as Jensen had been selected to lead this mission. But at least it showed that, for all his insistence on protocol, Hank didn’t really consider Kara a threat. Alex relaxed just a bit.

Until Jensen pulled a gun out of his side holster. The bore glowed with a faint green. _Kryptonite._ Alex realized. _It’s loaded with Kryptonite_.

“What are you doing?” Alex demanded, pushing her way forward.

“Bringing the alien in,” Jensen replied, not looking up as he fit a scope onto the top of the barrel. Coward.

“You’ll hurt her!”

“Alex.” Hank warned in her ear. The reminder was clear; lose her cool and lose any status that could help Kara.

Alex forced her voice to be even. “You have orders to bring her in unharmed.”

Jensen ignored her, putting his eye to the scope.

“Jensen!”

“Relax. It’s a tranq dart.”

“There are easier ways to bring her in I—” Alex was interrupted by the rustle of a dart leaving the bore of the barrel.

She could hear the blood rushing through her ears.

“Target down, let’s move.” Jensen said, his words echoing in her earpiece and then ricocheting through her head.

At the end of the alley, Kara slammed to the ground just slightly more gently than freefall, eyes already closing as the drug pumped through her bloodstream.

Alex didn’t care about losing her cool anymore.

“Get away from her.” Alex hissed, and Jensen had the good sense to back down. Though it might have been merely because he knew there was nothing she _could_ do now.

Alex kneeled in front of Kara, heart racing as she waited for her medical training to kick in. This was what those hours of practice had been for, so that when she was half a straw away from losing her cool she wouldn’t fall apart.

Alex checked her pulse, and then did a once over for any open wounds. If Kara was bleeding, they’d have a real problem and once that was fixed there was going to be hell to pay.

For the first time that day, Alex thanked God that Kara was a near-invincible alien.

Even if it was that near-invincibility that had gotten them into this mess in the first place.

“Let’s get her in the van” Alex said.

The team stared at her, eyes glimmering with varying shades of disgust, fear, and guilt behind their masks.

“That’s an order,” Alex elaborated. Where her voice had been shaking with ~~fear~~ anger it was now an uncomfortably stern calm. Jensen’s mission or not, she was in charge now.

Vulnerable, with her face smoothed in sleep, Kara looked even younger than usual. The cape looked like a Halloween costume, some fan in a gender-bent superman costume playing dress up. Kara already carried the weight of Krypton, she didn’t deserve to carry the weight of Earth as well.

Alex glared at Jensen’s back, hoping her anger would be enough to mask the guilt blossoming in her chest.

The ride back to the desert felt like proof that the speed of time could change, and no amount of Kara’s steady vitals beeping on the monitor could convince Alex that anything was ever going to be okay again.

\---

“ _That_ was ‘as gentle as we can’?” Alex stormed into Hank’s office, all pretense of decorum gone in her adrenaline fueled rage.

“It’s for her own good.”

“You used _kryptonite”_

“It was a sedative laced with kryptonite.“

“It hurts her.”

“It’s her only weakness.”

“You shot her out of the sky.”

“And she’ll be fine. I know you did a full check before coming in here to yell at me.”

“What if she’d fallen on someone?”

Hank gave no answer.

“If I had asked her to come here, she would have come. No fight, no questions.”

“There are protocols in place for a reason.”

“No. Not for this. Not for Kara.” Alex took a deep breath. She’d never stood up to a superior like this before, much less Hank, but the adrenaline pushed her forward anyway. “From now on, no decisions are made about Kara without my permission.”

“You know that’s not how it works.”

“I don’t care. I want your word, or I’m done.”

Alex expected a fight. She expected him to at least point out that she couldn’t quit; to quit the DEO before a contract was up would mean time in a federal prison. But, as though he could tell just how deadly serious she was about this, he sat back instead, resigned.

“Okay.”

Alex gave him a nod. She focused on keeping the fierce determination in her eyes to hide the turmoil and guilt making her stomach ache.

Hank stood and moved toward the door. “She’s awake,” he said “if you want the chance to explain your side of the story.”

And then he was gone, leaving Alex to process what he’d just said.

_Oh my god, I have to tell Kara._

Alex raced after him.

\---

Seeing Kara strapped to a table, glaring at Hank with a rage just short of heat-vision, was enough to make Alex question every single life decision that had led her to this moment. Even from here, Alex could see the crinkle on Kara’s nose telling her the rage was just a front to cover up the fear.

“She doesn’t need these,” Alex exclaimed, running forward to uncuff Kara’s wrists.

Kara’s gaze turned to Alex and Alex had never so desperately wanted to be anywhere else. She forced her expression into something she hoped look like comfort as shock, hurt, and fear flickered across Kara’s face, before settling back into rage.

Alex finally got one of the cuffs open, flinching when she saw the sickly green glow lining the inside. _Kryptonite_. Of course.

“I believe you know Agent Danvers,” Hank said, and Alex thought she might just kill him for this.

Alex reached for Kara’s hand, trying to comfort her, trying to absolve her own guilt, and trying to do anything to make this right.

Kara pulled away.

Kara pulled away and averted her gaze and the years and years of excuses Alex had made for her actions disintegrated like toilet paper.

\---

“It’s for her own good,” Hank said, as Kara held her head high and walked out. Even from here, Alex could see the hurt in her rigid posture.

“You think it was bad watching her get tranquilized?” Hank asked. “Imagine her taking a Vartox axe to the chest. Or getting blown out of the sky by a bomb. Or being shot by a kryptonite bullet or any of the other--“

“You have kryptonite bullets?”

“That’s not the point. The point is neither of you deserve that. She’s a good person; she doesn’t need to carry the weight of the world.”

“I know.”

They stood like that for a minute, shoulder to shoulder, islands in the bustle of the DEO. How many peoples’ sisters had Alex shot, she wondered. How many brothers had been locked up underground. Did their families look for them? When she attacked a mother, did their children have to comfort them, guide them through their PTSD? How many lives had she ruined?

“It’s time for some protocol changes around here,” Alex said.

“I think you may be right.” Hank said, and for the first time that day, Alex felt just a bit of the guilt lift out of her chest.

**Author's Note:**

> The DEO honestly has a very complex legacy and I really wish they'd grapple with it on the show instead of just blowing it up but hey, that's what fic is for.
> 
> The fun fact that the hole in a gun is called a "bore" is brought to you by my brother's friend.
> 
> I know Vartox is a name not a species but I'm trying my best here.
> 
> Please tip your friendly neighborhood hermit with a comment on your way out. Always looking for that sweet sweet validation in this unemployed/pandemic/my-state-is-on-fire life.


End file.
